Pursuit of Beauty

"The mass media may not be successful in telling us what to think, but it is stunningly successful in tellng us what to think about."

Nine years into the 21st century, and more people are running to slimming sanctuaries and hospitals, asking beauticians and doctors for help in their quests of beauty, hoping to see major changes in their physical appearances within a short period of time. Statistics have also shown an increase in the number of cases of anorexia and bulimia.

Of course, it wasn't at all like this once upon a time.

As noted by humorist Dave Barry in his article Build Yourself a Killer Bod with Killer Bees, "In those days, a man could be portly and still be considered attractive. The standards were also more lenient for women: Marilyn Monroe, whom nobody ever called skinny, was a major sex goddess.

"By today's beauty standards,of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker. Today's beauty ideal, strictly enforced by the media, is a person with the same level of body fat as a paper clip. Turn on your TV, and all you see are men and women who would rather have both eyeballs removed via corkscrew than eat a slice of pizza. These are genetic mutants: You see their muscles, veins and neck bones almost bursting through their fat-free skin. I don't know who decided that the see-through look was attractive; I, personally, have never heard anybody express lust for anybody else's internal organs. But we normal humans are constantly exposed to the zero-fat mutants in the media, and we naturally assume that we're supposed to look like them. This is of course impoosible, but we try. We diet constantly, especially young women, many of whom now start dieting while still in the womb."

Indeed, the influence of the media is overwhelmingly far-reaching and dangerous.

We flip through the papers and magazines and there are various advertisements on slimming sanctuaries, slimming tea and surgeries like Botox, all promising "monster figures and angelic faces". We turn on the telly and at least once every 15 minutes there would be commercials with fat-free ambassadors of slimming sanctuaries telling the world in major shout-outs how much weight those centres helped them to lose in how many days.

Yes, the constant bombardment of such advertisments has cultivated a certain mindset in many of us today - that being fat-free is the new beautiful. In a sense, the cultivation theory applies to some extent here. The advertisments have indeed created synthethic reality (a way of looking at the world) that eventually becomes the commonly held value. Almost everyone now thinks that it is essential to be stick-thin in order to come under the "beautiful" category. I will not try to deny that I am one of these people. You hear some people exclaim at how fat they are when they are but barely bones. The wondrous effect of mass media indeed.

However, not all behave this way. There are some who still find comfort in being in their own skin, who do not care two hoots about the advertisements. Hence, the mass media today can be said to follow the moderate effects theory. Even though the ability of the media to influence its audiences remains, there's media selectivity - the audiences are free to make their own decisions.

Yet in the extreme cases of those who do feel the need to fit in via physical appearance, some turn to unhealthy ways of slimming down, such as depending on slimming pills, going on diets, visiting sliming sanctuaries and going for surgeries. These methods though may show more apparent and instant results, tend to cause undesirable side effects, and thus prove to be ineffective in the long run. While instant results boost the self-confidence of many as they get their desired figures and features, the methods are not guaranteed to be safe. Slimming pills may cause liver inflammation, which in the severe case of Andrea De Cruz needed liver transplant. Diets can result in malnutrition and anemia, an illness whereby one faints easily due to low sugar content in the blood. In addition, every operation entails a certain risk. In this case, plastic surgery is not an exception. Complications may occur during the operation, causing one to be disfigured.

Furthermore, there are negative effects on the mental health of pursuers of beauty. Anorexic and bulimic patients constantly have the mindset that they are very obese no matter how stick-thin they are. They go to the extent of forcing their fingers down their throats in an attempt to throw up whatever food that went down their gullet. Also, they go on numerous diets. These cases if severe require hospitalisation. These patients appear wan and skinny, and very lethargic. Instead of gaining beauty in their quests, what they gain is an older and uglier reflection of what they really are.

All in all, the pursuit of beauty seems to bring more pain than joy. I think we all have to understand that external beauty, although much desired, loses itself in the race with time. It is only the inner beauty that can really withstand the challenge of time.

Taboo

Because it's another culture.


Last night National Geographic, Taboo, featured the different types of food eaten by the various cultural groups around the world. The French eat horse meat, a particular tribe in Venezuela, spiders. One group takes drinks together with the snake's heart, still thumping, while another eats partially formed ducks. My cousins and I grimaced as we watched in horror how they prepared and tasted their food as if they were so very moreish.

Or maybe to them, they really are.

But you are instantly filled with disgust and you shudder as you watch them put the food into their mouths. You wonder how they even manage to do that.

And you never stopped to think that some other cultural group out there may find the Asians' diet revolting too.

Then you come to realise that cultures, the templates for living, are such interesting things which differ from group to group. They tell us who we are, what groups we belong to, and how we live our lives.

In essence, cultures distinguish the members of one group from another. They are learnt, shared, mutlifaceted, dynamic and overlapping.

There on Taboo, a baby in his mother's arm was biting into a spider. He ate it as normally as how an Asian baby would chew on a piece of roast chicken, say. At times, the group would get together to cook the spiders and then eat collectively - acting to group norms, sharing their same culture. However, since cultures are dynamic, the people may no longer be eating spiders ten years down the road.

Of course, with cultures come the barriers to intercultural communication. People stereotype and start to become prejudiced. We generalise the beliefs by which we make sense of the world around us, regardless of context and accuracy and there can be negative social attitudes held towards another group. There is also the assumption of similarity, anxiety and withdrawal, as well as ethnocentrism, the belief that one's culture is superior to all others and the tendency to judge others by one's own criteria.

My take is that while it is good to have cultural groups, it is important that they accept the others for what they are and not stereotype or judge.

One of the most Popular

Only because of group commnunication and great teamwork

"Manchester United went to the top of the English Premier League as Chelsea lost 3-1 at Wigan to see their perfect start to the season ruined. A seventh straight victory for the champions, 2-0 at Stoke, saw them move ahead of Chelsea on goal difference with both having 18 points after seven matches."

The above is an excerpt from Man Utd go top as Chelsea stumble at Wigan dated 26 September 2009.

One of the most popular football clubs in the world, Manchester United are the reigning English champions and Club World Cup holders, having won the 2008–09 Premier League and the 2008 FIFA Club World Cup. It is one of the most successful in the history of English football and has won 22 major honours November 1986.

However, it wasn't all smooth sailing for this team.

Manchester United were formed as Newton Heath L&YR F.C. in 1878. Yet in 1902, the club neared bankruptcy, with debts of over £2,500. At one point, their Bank Street ground was closed by the bailiffs. Just before having to be shut down for good, the club received a sizeable investment from J. H. Davies, the managing director of Manchester Breweries. They decided on new name Manchester United to reflect their fresh start.

The new club secretary brought in some new faces into the club. Charlie Roberts, a new half-back helped Manchester United to a third place finish in the 1903–04 season, just a point short of the second promotion place. It was not long, however, before the club was at last promoted to the First Division for the first time under their new name, finishing in second place in the 1905–06 Second Division.

For the next ten years after 1912, the club went into a state of gradual decline before being relegated back down to Division Two. "They were promoted again in 1925, but struggled to get into the top half of the table, and were relegated again in 1931. In the eight years leading up to the Second World War, the club became somewhat of a yo-yo club, reaching their all-time lowest position of 20th in Division Two in 1934. They were promoted and relegated once again before being promoted in the penultimate season before the Second World War. They guaranteed their place in the top flight for after the war by finishing in 14th in the 1938–39 season."

More information can be found at Manchester United F.C.

And this leads us to the topic of group communication.

A group, as noted by Trenholm, is a collection of individuals who, as a result of interacting with one another over time, become interdependent, developing shared patterns of behaviour and a collective identity. Sometimes it is important to communicate in groups due to the group synergy whereby everyone can leverage on everybody else's strengths, which can be seen in the various positions in a football team such as the goalkeeper and the midfielder.

Between 1945 and 1986, there was much struggle within the team. I think this can be explained by the lack of mutual understanding and chemistry as the members were new to each other. The 1994-1995 first trophyless season since 1988-1989 saw Sir Alex Ferguson doing some major restructuring by replacing some players with those from the club's youth team. Since the start of the English Premier League in 1992, Manchester United have won 11 titles out of 18. This clearly shows the importance of group communication and teamwork, and also the major strengths of the individual players. It also goes to show that full membership comes with time for new players need time to build up the rapport within the team. They also have to recognise the written and unwritten norms that govern each level of membership. Because it is only when members have group rapport and are of one mind that the group can achieve its aims.

Then we come to the topic of group socialisation in which the individuals and group seek to influence each other to best meet their needs. Individuals will continuously measure the rewards gained from their group, a process called evaluation which determines their allegiance to the group.

An example would be Christiano Ronaldo who was sold to Real Madrid about two to three months ago. Before he joined Manchester United in 2003, he was a prospective member. When the club approached him and he joined it, he became a new member whereby he had to acquire idiosyncrasy by credit by conforming. He had to play with the reserves for a short period of time before being promoted to the first team which goes on the telly. This was when he became a full member, tasked with responsibilites of doing his part well. About two to three months ago, Christiano Ronaldo became an ex-member when he went over to Real Marid, reason being that he had wanted new challenges, as he won whatever trophies that were available in England. One other reason, I feel, is that he could have been attracted by the huge price tag that was given to him - 80 million pounds. I think Ronaldo's behaviour effectively portrays how individuals continuously measure the rewards gained from the group.

To me, there should be a balance between group work and individual for sometimes it's nice to be able to make your own decisions instead of having to make decisions basing on the general consensus. Also, there may be difference in opinions whereby group members will then have to compromise. Hence, once in a while, amidst some group work, there should be some work that should be done alone too.

Penguins, not.

Because we are but only humans.

He stomped out of the room after bashing one of her friends up. She followed suit and called after him at the corridor. He stopped, turned back. With tears welling up in his eyes, the initially ferocious man said ever so softly, "I want my wife".

She replied, "I am your wife".

He retorted, "No you're not. She's inside the room".

The human was talking to the surrogate of his wife. He hasn't been seeing the human form of her ever since the death of their son.

He is experiencing the stagnation stage whereby he is just going through the motions of the relationship. There is no joy and excitement, no nothing. He goes through routine "scripts" and persists to avoid the pain of termination.

She, on the other hand, is undergoing the avoiding phase in which she withdraws physically and emotionally from her husband. She stays in her room day in day out, living her life through her surrogate self. She avoids her husband and makes almost no effort to keep up appearances.

Towards the end of the film, she goes out of her room after cooping herself up from only too long, and goes into her late son's. The husband was anxious to find her room empty. As if sensing where she might be, he walked to their late son's room. He pushed the ajar door and found his dearest wife with her back facing him . There, they hugged each other ever so tightly you wonder if that whole stagnation and avoiding phase ever took place at all.

That, was from Surrogate.

You find it amazing that the progression and development of relationships can be so easily broken down into a series of ten stages in two phases - the coming together and coming apart.

First, you initiate meetings. You screen and filter each other, all the while being ever so cautious of your own presentation. Next you experiment. You gain as much information about each other as possible through small talks, feeding your own cultural, social and psychological facts. Then the relationship intensifies. Increased commitment, awareness and participation start to sit in. You disclose your feelings to each other. There is now physical contact. The relational identity comes into the picture. As the relationship integrates, you couple into a relational unit which encompasses both of your social networks. You start addressing yourselves as one - "we", "us", "our". Finally you formalise the obligation and commitment by going through significant rituals such as engagement and marriage.

But more often than not, things are not always so smooth-sailing.

This is when the "coming apart" phase comes into the picture.

The first signs of the relationship breaking apart is when you start to distance yourself. You differentiate between the both of you who used to be one. You reaffirm your individuality, you fight for your own personal space. Then comes the circumscribing stage in which you only tip-toe around the relationship, never really getting into it. The relational interest and commitment shrink. You excuse yourself from too personal stuff, restricting communication to safe areas. Subsequently the relationship stagnates. You go through the mechanics of being a couple with the absence of joy and excitement. You no longer look forward to meeting each other, to doing things together. You tolerate routine scripts just to avoid the pain of termination. Eventually you start avoiding each other. You do not even make the effort to keep up appearances. You just don't want anything to do with each other. There is limited connection; you withdraw physically and emotionally. Channels of communication are sealed - you do not even want to talk. Ultimately, you terminate the relationship. It ceases to exist and, to put it very ideally, parties move on.

Going through the stages now you find it amusing how when a couple is together they stick to each other like chewing gum, having to call each other almost every other day and be all so lovey-dovey, yet when they break up it's so difficult to even remain friends.

And you ask youself, why can't we be like penguins which are faithful lovers?

Delicate affairs

Because like bubbles, they burst.


I still remember so vividly how my mam and I were glued to the telly one fateful Wednesday night three years ago. We had hurried home to catch the wedding of Quan YiFeng and her huasband, and that half-hour episode turned both me and my mam into green-eyed monsters ever so envious of a romantic affair so meticulously planned. A wonderful evening at the dock with magical setting coupled with a few love songs from the Superstars that made most tear was completed with a trip out to sea for wedding photos.

Two years down the road, they divorced each other.

This time round, it is the grand wedding of Christopher Lee and Fann Wong.
This time round, my mam and I weren't glued to the telly.
This time round, we weren't turned into green-eyed monsters, with jaws wide opened.

Because, growing up, you realise that fairytales in which the prince and princess live together happily ever after seldom exist.

And you ask yourself, what's the point of making the wedding such a major event if ultimately things do not work out?

Not that I'm cursing the twain, of course.

But you do realise that relationships are delicate affairs which should be handled with much care and sensitivity. Like bubbles, relationships can burst and be short-lived if not properly dealt with. This applies even more so to romantic relationships which may end very easily due to miscommunication and misunderstandings, or due to the fading of feelings for the other party as some people claim.

Which is why communcation becomes all the more important.

Communication allows us to know one another better, invariantly cutting down on the number of unwanted misunderstandings.
Communication lets us clarify our doubts, correcting our misconception.
Communication helps keep the sparks between lovebirds going.

A couple broke up because of a misunderstanding over a photo in which the girl never bothered to clarify. When they eventually got back together, there was very little communication, resulting in them breaking up. Again. This time, for good.

Someone once told me that in a relationship, haptics - a science to do with the sense of touch - is very important. It need not be something too exaggerated, like hugging so tightly in the middle of a busy shopping mall you seem to be stuck to each other with a super glue , nor need it be something like kissing so vigoriously like there's no tomorrow. It just takes a simple interlocking of the hands to make the other party feel important to you.

Then there is also the kinesics and paralinguistics and a whole load of other nonverbal and verbal communication that are just so important in maintaining relationships. Yet sometimes, it is also communication that leads some relationships to the point of no repair.

Paradoxical, isn't it?

The Cove

It seems like any other cove. The waves are calm, there is not much movement within the waters. Yet every September, something happens. And that very place, becomes "the dolphins' worst nightmare".

Ric O'Barry, the dolphin trainer who rose to fame after the TV series, Flipper, claimed that he feels somewhat responsible, because it was the TV series that "created this worldwide million-dollar industry". Together with his elite team of activists, filmmakers and freedivers, Ric uncovers the "shocking instance of animal abuse".

Their first but failed attempt at trying to film the fishermen's darkest secret saw them getting back to their hotel room, rather dejected, listening to their recording of the dolphins' squeals.

Ric: It's eerie isn't it - the sounds that we're hearing? They're all dead by now and the next day there's a new batch to replace them.
(something along the lines.)

Determined to unravel the truth, the team carried out their second attempt of the espionage, this time in full force. And they succeeded. The well-hidden cameras captured the entire gruesome process of the massacre.

The acoustic animals were all trapped and then brought to the secret cove. Once away from the public eyes, those inhumane fishermen put their spear-like weapons into the waters and began piercing the dolphins simultaneously as if working to some music. Instantaneously the clear blue waters turned into a bloody mess and the pained squeals of the hundreds of poor dolphins became a blur. You feel tears welling up in your eyes as you see the dolphins writhe in agony and they struggle for every bit of breath and they never come up from the bloody waters again.

Each year, an estimated 23,000 dolphins and porpoises are killed in Japan for "human consumption". This is only because these poor animals are not protected by the International Whaling Commission. But dolphins are but smaller versions of whales aren't they? In addition, most city dwellers who were showed the gory clips of the slaughter expressed signs of disgust and said that they had no idea dolphin meat was for sale. If such is the case, may I ask, where do all the approximately 23,000 dead dolphins go to?

The fishermen claimed that dolphin slaughter is a culture in their country. If so, why do the city dwellers not know about this long-standing tradition? They said that "if the world finds out what's going on here, they'd be shot down". Is this not an indication of their own fabrication? Furthermore, they are afraid of cameras. I believe if dolphin slaughter were a tradition in their country the fishermen should be proud of it, and would not hesitate to be filmed. However, they were strongly against those who brought cameras with them. And to get them out of the way, those barbarians tried to taunt the people into hitting them by abusing the dolphins in front of the activists' very own eyes, just so they would be arrested. Do the above-stated constitute authenticity in the brutes' so-called culture at all?

Almost immediately after the documentary ended, my mam turned to look at me, and commented that it was just like World War II, when the Japanese mass-killed the Prisoners of War and civilians - gunshots punctuated the moments of distress; shrieks of anguish rang in the ears; bloody bodies piled atop each other.

And the mam added, it's also the Japanese.

She said that there's a reason why the older generation of the Chinese is still so repulsive against them. I think I understand it now. They say to forgive and forget, but how do you really forget something which once happened on you, to you, when it had detrimental effects not only on the body but the mind? "Wounds heal, but the scars will always remain." This slogan belongs to my girlfriend.

Maybe, it's true.

That said, I am fully aware that the bulk of the Japanese aren't involved in such beastly acts and they do not deserve to be regarded as the Unciviliseds.

Sorry if I'd sounded offensive; I love dolphins.

Perception

During the last lesson, we talked about perception, the process by which we make sense of the world around us. And the instructor showed us a picture of a dyad with the esplanade as the backdrop. She asked for what we saw.

Almost immediately, seemingly without thinking, some said they were a couple, some, friends. Others said they were siblings or cousins, whereby one of them in particular was pointed out as a male and older than the famale. After a little more than five minutes, the instructor said, "you only see what you want to see."

The discussion carried on, the examination of the photo this time more carefully after the remark. I still could not figure out what other relationships there could be between two people of opposing genders. A little later, Ms Hui finally announced that the male we'd been discussing about all along, was actually a female, and younger than the other.

Naturally, there were oohs and ahhs. I was dumbfounded. I'd identified the person as a male at first glance. She had short hair, and in many ways, resembled a male. It never occurred to me to look deeper and beyond.

In retrospect, that we only see what we want to see certainly holds. And more often that not, we fail to see beyond the surface.

They say seeing is believing, but sometimes, looks may be deceiving.

One classic example would be Susan Boyle, a participant of Britain's Got Talent. The moment the frumpy woman stepped on stage, she was written off by almost everybody. When she said that she was 47, judge Simon Cowell raised his eyebrows. Yet she was undaunted and stated matter-of-factly while doing a little twirl that "that's just one side of me". Later, to Simon's question of her dream, she replied that she wants to be a professional singer like Elaine Paige. It was at this point that the crowd actually rolled their eyes and laughed at her. Even judge Amanda acknowledged that everybody was against her, and that they "were all being very cynical".

However the instant the same woman started the song, she wow-ed the crowd so much so that within barely 30 seconds, there was a standing ovation. It was indeed, a serenade in melting tones. And the initially sceptical Simon appeared to be astonished by the performance he called extraordinary.

Then we come to this realisation that such is the perception of most people - that a person so frumpy and almost old would not be able to sing, not to say sing as well as Elaine Paige, that an unfashionable person may not have any talents.

Whatever happened to "never judge a book by its cover"?

Today, I watched with the heart palpitating as a drama of some sort unfolded before my very eyes. As the students were dismissed from tuition, their excited chatters turned the initially quiet centre into a marketplace. Then it was quietness again once they hurried off home. And then I would go back to the one or two students I would keep behind for not being able to complete their homework. Such is the routine every Saturday evening.

Yet this fateful day, something else happened. Something that neither the receptionist nor I had ever encountered.

Instead of quietness, there was noise. A man in particular was raising his voice at another lady, both of whom had crying boys beside them. Apparently, their children almost got into a fight and their teacher could not manage them. Without even clarifying matters, the Sinaporean father demanded a reason for the Chinese boy's hitting his son. Later, things got out of control when, in a bid to protect her son, the Chinese mother retaliated verbally. This verbal exchange quickly escalated into a heated argument.

The unreasonable dad actually had the cheek to tell the Chinese mother to go back to China, and not "come and steal our ricebowls" in Mandarin. Now, who wouldn't be angered by such nasty remarks? 'Twas when the father finally calmed down to have the sense to verify matters when he found out that the boy, in actual fact, never laid a finger on his son at all.

It turned out that the teacher did not even validate the accusation that the boy was cheating, when he claimed that he was only using the electronic dictionary as a translator.

Then it all began to dawn on me how biased against certain groups of people some of us can be. In all honesty, after hearing stories of scandalous affairs and all, my view of the Chinese women has slanted. And I have to admit that I, too, have stereotyped them, viewing them through my own pair of tinted glasses.

But to come to think of it now, how would I feel if others were to view myself this way?

Because somewhere deep down, I know that no matter how many black sheep there are, there will still be a handful of good ones. And I definitely would not want others to view me any differently just because of those ne'er-do-wells. Perhaps this episode acts as a reminder, at least for me, to constantly put myself into another's shoes, so as not to say or do things which may hurt the person's feelings.

Because, words can kill.