Perception

During the last lesson, we talked about perception, the process by which we make sense of the world around us. And the instructor showed us a picture of a dyad with the esplanade as the backdrop. She asked for what we saw.

Almost immediately, seemingly without thinking, some said they were a couple, some, friends. Others said they were siblings or cousins, whereby one of them in particular was pointed out as a male and older than the famale. After a little more than five minutes, the instructor said, "you only see what you want to see."

The discussion carried on, the examination of the photo this time more carefully after the remark. I still could not figure out what other relationships there could be between two people of opposing genders. A little later, Ms Hui finally announced that the male we'd been discussing about all along, was actually a female, and younger than the other.

Naturally, there were oohs and ahhs. I was dumbfounded. I'd identified the person as a male at first glance. She had short hair, and in many ways, resembled a male. It never occurred to me to look deeper and beyond.

In retrospect, that we only see what we want to see certainly holds. And more often that not, we fail to see beyond the surface.

They say seeing is believing, but sometimes, looks may be deceiving.

One classic example would be Susan Boyle, a participant of Britain's Got Talent. The moment the frumpy woman stepped on stage, she was written off by almost everybody. When she said that she was 47, judge Simon Cowell raised his eyebrows. Yet she was undaunted and stated matter-of-factly while doing a little twirl that "that's just one side of me". Later, to Simon's question of her dream, she replied that she wants to be a professional singer like Elaine Paige. It was at this point that the crowd actually rolled their eyes and laughed at her. Even judge Amanda acknowledged that everybody was against her, and that they "were all being very cynical".

However the instant the same woman started the song, she wow-ed the crowd so much so that within barely 30 seconds, there was a standing ovation. It was indeed, a serenade in melting tones. And the initially sceptical Simon appeared to be astonished by the performance he called extraordinary.

Then we come to this realisation that such is the perception of most people - that a person so frumpy and almost old would not be able to sing, not to say sing as well as Elaine Paige, that an unfashionable person may not have any talents.

Whatever happened to "never judge a book by its cover"?

Today, I watched with the heart palpitating as a drama of some sort unfolded before my very eyes. As the students were dismissed from tuition, their excited chatters turned the initially quiet centre into a marketplace. Then it was quietness again once they hurried off home. And then I would go back to the one or two students I would keep behind for not being able to complete their homework. Such is the routine every Saturday evening.

Yet this fateful day, something else happened. Something that neither the receptionist nor I had ever encountered.

Instead of quietness, there was noise. A man in particular was raising his voice at another lady, both of whom had crying boys beside them. Apparently, their children almost got into a fight and their teacher could not manage them. Without even clarifying matters, the Sinaporean father demanded a reason for the Chinese boy's hitting his son. Later, things got out of control when, in a bid to protect her son, the Chinese mother retaliated verbally. This verbal exchange quickly escalated into a heated argument.

The unreasonable dad actually had the cheek to tell the Chinese mother to go back to China, and not "come and steal our ricebowls" in Mandarin. Now, who wouldn't be angered by such nasty remarks? 'Twas when the father finally calmed down to have the sense to verify matters when he found out that the boy, in actual fact, never laid a finger on his son at all.

It turned out that the teacher did not even validate the accusation that the boy was cheating, when he claimed that he was only using the electronic dictionary as a translator.

Then it all began to dawn on me how biased against certain groups of people some of us can be. In all honesty, after hearing stories of scandalous affairs and all, my view of the Chinese women has slanted. And I have to admit that I, too, have stereotyped them, viewing them through my own pair of tinted glasses.

But to come to think of it now, how would I feel if others were to view myself this way?

Because somewhere deep down, I know that no matter how many black sheep there are, there will still be a handful of good ones. And I definitely would not want others to view me any differently just because of those ne'er-do-wells. Perhaps this episode acts as a reminder, at least for me, to constantly put myself into another's shoes, so as not to say or do things which may hurt the person's feelings.

Because, words can kill.